BONUS BLOG - JULY 19, 2010 "The Eunoch"

The latest Cialis commercial is unbelievable.  No.  Really.  It is.

So this older couple is painting a wall in their home.  The wife is on the ladder, when suddenly, the man’s eyes sort of glaze over.  The announcer is saying something like, “You never know when the urge will hit...”  Then we see the ceiling open up and the walls fold down.  Blue sky.  Lush green grass.  A gentle, warm and erotic breeze.  Then a shot of the woman who welcomes all that is happening.  

I’ve been married.  Come on y’all.  

The women I know would have reacted to this man’s “urge” in a totally different fashion.  Especially after what appears to have been a rather lengthy marriage.

So here’s the REAL commercial.  

The man gets the glazed over look.  Stops painting and glares at his wife doing all the work on the ladder.

The woman says: “You want to stop looking at my damn thighs and hand me some more paint?  Why the hell am I on the ladder anyway?

The man says:  “Honey, thanks to Cialis, I’m in the mood.”

Woman:  “Ya know, Hon – I am hoping against hope that Cialis is the name of the guy who sold you the paint.  If there is a God in heaven, you will tell me this is this case.”

Man:  “Well, no, I was talking......”

Woman:  “I know what you’re talking about.  You’re kidding, right?  You know the only reason we’re painting this wall at all is because your ‘Mommy’s’ coming over this weekend, and she ‘just luuuuvs yellow.’”

Man:  “Yeh, but it’s time.....”

Woman:  “It’s time you get off your butt and do work around here!  And pick up your socks! God they smell.”

Man:  “Okay, okay.  But thanks to Cialis, I will be in the mood all night.”

Woman:  “Well, isn’t that lovely to know.  Moron!  That’s exactly what I want to do tonight after spending a beautiful day moving furniture, painting walls a color I really don’t even like, just to please your ‘Mommy.’”  

Man:  “No, honey... it’s just that....”

Woman:  “I know what it’s ‘just.’  You really expect me to ‘please’ you tonight, don’t you?  Ah, sweetie.... ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?”

Man: “Yeh, well, I was just thinking... uh.. you know... uh....”

Woman:  “If you stare at my thighs one more time, Mommy’s little nursery boy will have YELLOW HAIR!  Are you thinking ya want that?”

So you see where all this is going, right?  But then the clincher is, toward the end of the commercial, the man says, on camera, something like, “If you suffer from loss of hearing or blindness, consult your Doctor.”  

Blindness and deafness for this poor slob would be a blessing.  He’ll probably still go the rest of his life as a eunuch.  But at least he won’t have to hear the ridicule.  And what would he care what color the wall is?
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Posted by David Moon at 7/19/2010 7:00 AM
Categories: uncategorized
 

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  • 8/24/2010 7:49 PM THELUNARREPORT.COM wrote:
    What began as a simple tomato war between brothers decades ago has now come to this. Harassing emails from the son of one of those brothers who rather subtly accused me of neglect. Well, I stood up to that son. “Patience is a virtue,” is what I wrote him back. I guess I told him!

    Joseph, or “Big Coon” as they called him, left Graham, North Carolina in 1956. In 1962, he found his way to Florida, hundreds of miles from the nearest North Carolina homegrown German Johnson tomato.
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