Tomorrow is Election Day.  I guess I will vote, though no one running has addressed the issues that mean the most to me.  So, I have decided to run for office myself next time.

My issues are very simple and basic.  The guiding principle behind my issues is, “Force government to make my life easier.”

For example.  Require everyone to smoke in public.

Only allow bike riding on roadways between the hours of 2:30 and 4:30 am.  And make it illegal for men bike riders to wear spandex.

Shut down PBS and use the government funds to provide free HBO and Showtime to everyone.

Make it a crime for any television network or local affiliate to air Carolina Panther NFL games.  At least for the rest of this year.

Force young beautiful waitresses to laugh at all my lame jokes.  And require them to provide at least one free cocktail before dinner.

Make all apartment complexes provide free daily house keeping.

Lower the cost of a 1-dollar lottery ticket.

Make it illegal for the power company to disconnect electrical service for failure to pay.

Make it the government’s responsibility to provide free oil changes and tire rotation.

And, make “tricks” illegal on Halloween.  Last night after handing out dollops of mayonnaise to all the little trick-or-treaters who came to my place, the resulting tricks were devastating.

Click HERE to explore The Lunar Report.