Now don’t get me wrong here.  I wouldn’t wish my past few months on anyone.  But, man!  I went back to school for a while.  It wasn’t as intense or involved as the Luke Wilson, Vince Vaughn and Will Ferrell version of “Old School.”  Nevertheless.

The past few months, while being “between homes,” I got to live with three old college buddies.  Like me, they are each fathers and are each living as single men again.  But for a short time, we were all back at the University of North Carolina.

Now it wasn’t quite the same as the old days.  These guys now all fold their laundry, empty ash trays and their beer can recycling habits are more environmentally sensitive than building aluminum pyramids in the corner of the room.  For the most part when they need to pass gas, they do so silently without even thinking of lighting a match near the flatus.  They no longer put clear Saran Wrap on toilet seats or throw instant grits on a showering roommate.  And these days when they see a sunrise, it’s because they woke up early.  They get their sleep nowadays. 

Still, it was as close as I will ever come to being back in school.  Frankly, though, I’m not sure I could be back in school with these guys again.  Like each of them, I am a bit “set in my ways.”  At the end of the day, I like to kick back, sip a cocktail, smoke a few cigarettes and watch cable television.

The first old bud I stayed with shared drinks with me, and smoking in his home was okay with him.  And he had a television.  But the TV was hooked up to nothing!  No cable, no dish, not even an antenna!

The second old bud has the most beautiful LG High Definition television.  Drinking and smoking at his place was almost a requirement.  But the television had only an antenna.  A wide screen without ESPN is a damned sin.  And to pick up just regular TV there, I had to hold the third toe of my left foot on the far right corner of the metal antenna.

The third bud had it all.  Almost.  He had the cable.  He had no problem with me having a cocktail while watching ESPN.  But I had to smoke outside on the damned deck.

But the absolute worst part of my version of “Old School?”  None of these guys had ice!  None of them!  For the love of God, who doesn’t have ice?  You go to the dollar store, you pay 2-bucks for ice trays and you have ice.  It’s just the American thing to do.  Ever have a bourbon and seven without ice?  Unbelievable.

Now, I know you guys are probably saying to yourselves, “What an ungrateful twerp. These guys took you in, and you’re complaining about their televisions and lack of ice?”

Look.  If I didn’t complain about such things, it wouldn’t be “Old School.”  This is how old college buds show their affection for each other.  Besides.  I complimented them on their laundry folding!